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Phoenix Ravenflame

[ website | The Phoenix's Fire ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

News Flash! [02 Sep 2006|12:47am]
[ mood | determined ]

First of all, I am still alive. I never meant to just abandon everyone, but things have been... let's just say "extremely sucky"... over the past few months. I haven't felt like talking to anyone, and I'm still trying to work my way out of that. Rarely do I email, even more rarely will I talk on the phone. Just posting here is a big step. I've been updating my other blog regularly, but that's really not enough. The other blog is me, but it's the me the world sees. This is where a lot of my AAW friends are, and y'all have always seen a more complete picture of me. I'm going to try to get back into updating this. That being said...

I might be moving my LJ. It might seem quirky, but every now and again I just need a blank slate to work with. This could take a little time, but I'll let y'all know if it happens, and you can all re-add me to your friends. I'm not running away... really.

UPDATE (3:30 AM): I was right... a few hours could be considered "a little time". The new name is cagedcoyote. I suggest reading the profile and first entry before you decide if you want to add me. Yes, that goes for all of you who already know me. I'm probably being more honest with myself and others about what I think and feel than I ever have before, and I can't promise you're going to like it.

This LJ will most likely not be updated again.

Mouth off!!

Um... yeah... [19 Apr 2006|10:49am]
[ mood | apathetic ]

The entire purpose of this entry is let y'all know I'm still alive. So... alive... that's me!

Nathan, I will turn my messenger on one day... I promise! Hope your holiday was great. *hugs*

Momma, Harvest Moon for the DS comes out in June, according to the freaky person who works at the game place. Since I already named a cow in another game after you, I'll be naming one in this game Spawnette. By the way... I've seen the cows. They have HUGE heads!

Ashli... ASHLI!... Ashli?... Does anyone have the faintest idea what's become of Ashli? I have no messages from her, no e mails, haven't gotten any phone calls... I'd call her, but I'm not exactly sure where she's living right now. I miss her. :(

Alright... that's it.

Really... that's all!


(2) Opened their mouths! Mouth off!!

Vlad answers his newest pen pal! [13 Feb 2006|11:56pm]
[ mood | silly ]

If you read my last entry, you know I've taken to answering my spam. I said I would answer the guy again when I settled on a phone number. I ended up using the phone number for a strip club in Atlanta. I also gave him the house number for the Munsters. (Or was it the Addams Family?)
Read more...Collapse )

Now I wait for him to write back...
I REALLY need a life!

(4) Opened their mouths! Mouth off!!

An Assortment of Things [13 Feb 2006|11:17pm]
[ mood | okay ]

My LJ looks like crap! I'm assuming this is due to the changes they are making. There was something in the announcements about it. Well, on to the news...

Valentine's Day! My Body Goes Haywire! I Answer Spam!
Read more...Collapse )

Mouth off!!

Geeks and Serial Killers look a lot alike! [04 Feb 2006|05:58pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

I scored 8 out of 10 on this.

Computer Programmer, or Serial Killer???

Mouth off!!

Got this from vladimiru... [04 Feb 2006|05:55pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

Click here.
Take the quiz.
Post your results.
See phoenixrvnflame's results.Collapse )

Mouth off!!

Blood Pressure Update [02 Feb 2006|09:41pm]
[ mood | sick ]

I feel like crap, but at least I know why. My blood pressure has dropped, in a week, to 110/62. It's making me feel like crap because my heart has been pumping everything it can to my brain, instead of my blood circulating properly through my body. The doc has lowered my dosage of Avalide and wants to see me again Monday.

Mouth off!!

Thoughts Keeping Me Awake... [31 Jan 2006|04:38am]
[ mood | freaked out ]

I posted this in my other blog but not many people comment there, and I could seriously use from feedback. Especially from other bipolar people... or friends and/or family of bipolar people. It's kinda long, but very important.

Read more...Collapse )

(6) Opened their mouths! Mouth off!!

Today's Ninja Lesson... [28 Jan 2006|09:58pm]
[ mood | silly ]

If you can see a ninja, he can see you. If you can't see a ninja, you may be only seconds away from death.

Mouth off!!

At least he gave me medicine... [27 Jan 2006|07:03pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Went to the new doc's office today. Saw more of his assistant than I did him. Pretty much, she did the examination, then he came in and wrote me a prescription. It's not the same stuff I was prescribed by the doc at the hospital... it's supposed to be something stronger. And he asked me if I needed more tramadol for my headaches. Well, he asked me if I needed more tramadol... I hope he knew it was for my headaches. I'd hate to think he's in the habit of just handing out medicine that can make a 300 pound woman with a tolerance to anything over the counter go to sleep within ten minutes and stay that way for ten hours. I told him I didn't need more, that I'm not having to take it very often.

No one talked to me about diet and excersize, no one told me to quit smoking. I'm wondering if those speeches come when I go back in two months, or if these people are just of the mind that a pill can fix it. I've never taken a pill that could just fix things, but a lot of people in the medical community seem to think it works that way.

And, of course, my blood pressure was high today. I didn't catch the systolic, but the diastolic was 102. I told the lady what it was when they turned me down for giving blood the other night and she looked at me with her mouth open for a few seconds.

Mouth off!!

I can FINALLY see a doctor! [25 Jan 2006|05:16pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

I have an appointment for Friday. We'll see how it goes. Gotta get my fuckin' bloodpressure down.

Mouth off!!

Because Momma said so... [24 Jan 2006|06:48pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

1. name:
2. birthday:
3. place of residence:
4. what makes you happy:
5. what are you listening to now/have listened to last:
6. do you read my lj:
7. if you do, what is particularly good/bad about it:
8. an interesting fact about you:
9. are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
10. favourite place to be:
11. favourite lyric:
12. best time of the year:
13. weirdest food you like:
14. do farts make you laugh:

1. a film:
2. a book:
3. a band, a song and an album:

1. one thing you like about me:
2. two things you like about yourself:
3. put this in your lj so i can tell you what i think of you.
4. post a picture you (if possible):

(1) Opened their mouths! Mouth off!!

Got the Haircut! [23 Jan 2006|06:26pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Went and got the haircut today... hair will be mailed off tomorrow. Here's a pic the hubby took... I hate it. My face is fat and my hair insists on curling in all the wrong places. I know how to take care of that, but I don't feel like dealing with curling irons and hair gel every day.

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When I cried and said I have no hair, the hubby said, "YOU have hair... the little kid who'll get your hair has no hair." He has a point.

(2) Opened their mouths! Mouth off!!

My Husband and Brokeback Mountain [21 Jan 2006|11:40pm]
[ mood | moody ]

I had perhaps the most ignorant conversation ever with my husband today. He was talking about some friends online who were bitching about Brokeback Mountain and I said I didn't understand why people were so huffy about this movie. Personally, I don't want to see it... but that's because cowboys bore me and I don't wanna see ANYBODY making out. Not two guys. Not two girls. Not a guy and a girl. Not even a midget/weasel/albino iguana threesome.

Okay... maybe that last one.

Just kidding.

The conversation finally rolled around to me asking, "But why does it matter?" If I remember correctly, the specific question was, "Why does it matter if there's a movie about gay cowboys and it wins awards?" His response... "The awards are Hollywood's gold star endorsement of it."

Why does it matter?

"The director will be more in demand after winning these awards, and he might make another gay cowboy movie... or gay something else."

Why does it matter? Why does it matter if he makes 20 gay movies a year? I doubt good, upstanding, honest, churchgoing, family-raising men are going to see the movie and say, "I've found my calling! I'm running off to be a gay cowboy!"

"Probably not... but if they're family-raising men, their sons might. Or, worse, they might do it because they think it's 'cool'."

Then they won't be taken seriously... and it won't last long. Why does it matter?

This finally got around to him saying, "...and God still says it's wrong..."

I asked him if he believed us eating pork last week was wrong. He said no.

"So you're picking and choosing which scriptures you agree with... God says don't be gay, so that's wrong... God says don't eat pork, but you think that's okay."

I also asked him why God would keep making gay people if He thought it was so wrong... he never really had an answer for that. Finally, I asked him what was wrong with being gay. His response...


I pointed out that it makes no sense to base on argument on the supposition that being gay is "wrong" somehow if you also say that there's nothing wrong with being gay. And I told him that if it doesn't kill you, prohibit you from paying your bills, starve you, or raise my already high blood pressure (by the way... I was turned down from giving blood last night because my BP was 158/126) then it DOESN'T matter.

Frankly, the entire conversation bothered me. He's married to a bisexual woman. He's been good friends with a gay man and a bisexual man for many years. And I thought he'd left all that "conditioning" that religion puts you through far behind. Usually, he has the good sense to say something intelligent or keep his mouth shut. But his arguments on this were ignorant and religiously dogmatic. The conversation never really had any resolution... it just fizzled out. But I made the last point, and I think the fact that he had no response for it might indicate I made him stop and really think about what he was saying.

To my gay, lesbian, bisexual, and whatever else friends... I love you all, just as you are. I love you because you are who you are. If you're free enough to say to the world, "This is me... accept it or fuck off!" then I love you for having that freedom inside yourself. If you're still hiding part of who you are from somebody, I understand, and I love you... you who probably need that love and acceptance most. You aren't hurting anyone by just being yourself... so don't mind the folks who have to get their panties in a wad every time the wind blows in a direction they don't like. Don't try to be anything you're not... because YOU are the person I love.

(1) Opened their mouths! Mouth off!!

Getting a Haircut [21 Jan 2006|08:55pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

I'm making an appointment next week to get my hair cut. Wait... let me explain... cause I can hear anyone who's ever seen me starting to go on about how long and pretty it is. I know it's long and pretty... and I know there are kids who need it more than I do. I looked on locksoflove.org and found a salon in a town not far from here that is registered with them. I'll get a free haircut, and some little bald sick kid will get my hair. This is the whole reason I've grown it out so long. Before I found out about Locks Of Love I kept it cut to about my shoulders. It'll be a little shorter this time... not much, but a little. I know I'm going to miss being able to braid it and put it up. Wearing the really nifty hair thingy I got at RenFest will be right out. But try to imagine being a little girl with alopecia, or losing your hair to chemo treatments for cancer, and having other kids laugh at you because you're bald. Kids can be so cruel. And even if they don't laugh, you think they do. And every time you look in a mirror, you remember how obvious it is that you aren't like other kids. And it wouldn't be ALL better, but it would be a little better if you just had some damned HAIR!

I can grow more hair. And everytime I have a bad hair day, at least I'll know someone else has to put up with this hair, too.

(1) Opened their mouths! Mouth off!!

I know I told him it's private... [20 Jan 2006|12:59am]
[ mood | frustrated ]

I remember riding along in the truck one day and explaining to the hubby how LJ is different from sites like Blogger. The whole community thing, having friends, the mood icons, etc. And I remember telling him my LJ is not in our bookmarks like my other blog is because it's pretty much private. (Yes, it's private, so I put it on the internet.) I meant it was private FROM HIM! (And my mom... and a few other people...) Today he asked me about something, and I said, "You read my LJ?" He said, "You put it on your blogspot." (That's what he calls a Blogger blog because the address for any given one is user.blogspot.com.) The thing is, I didn't. I sometimes cross post things, but this was something I only said in my LJ.

Apparently, he's read it a few times, so I made the "It's private" thing a little more clear. He apologized, but then he turned around and got all huffy and asked, "Well, where am I supposed to go to vent about you?" A. I don't think I've made my LJ a vent-about-hubby-a-thon. B. I don't know and I don't care. In fact I flat-out told him it's not MY problem if HE doesn't have an effective means of venting his frustrations.

*Sigh* And now PeoplePC wants me to log out and log back in, so I'm wrapping this up. Remember... it's private, that's why it's on the internet... and don't get PeoplePC.

Mouth off!!

I'm Still Alive... [19 Jan 2006|12:29am]
[ mood | depressed ]

Every time I think the depression is getting better, it gets a little worse. But I'm learning to function again. I've been sewing a lot, working on a jacket, and my mom and sister and I are going to a quilt show this weekend, so I'll actually get out and move around.

I'm losing track of time easily, and forgetting to call people I said I would. If you're one of those people, I didn't forget because you're not important... you ARE important... I forgot because I'm depressed, and when you're depressed things just get away from you like that. The good news is, when people call me, I will still answer my phone and talk. I've been so depressed in the past I couldn't even manage that.

(2) Opened their mouths! Mouth off!!

Depression... [04 Jan 2006|11:32pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

Everything I touch goes wrong. Everything I do is a disaster. I'm having a George Bailey moment, but no angel will show up and show me how the world is better off with me in it... probably because it isn't.

I'm not suicidal or anything. I'll get over it. It will just take some time. If you're one of those people who is used to having to put up with me and you notice my absence, I'm probably off ruining some aspect of my life. It'll go on this way until one day I miraculously feel the sun has come out and the birds are singing again. I'm used to this... happens now and again.

(2) Opened their mouths! Mouth off!!

In 2006... [31 Dec 2005|02:34am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Here's what I hope to accomplish in the new year...

I will stop smoking... for good.
I will lower my blood pressure.
I will NOT have a stroke, heart attack, or go blind from complications with diabetes.
I will finally move into the new house.
I will complete at least one quilting project.
I will drink more water.

Happy New Year, everyone!!!!

Mouth off!!

Blood Pressure [29 Dec 2005|11:07pm]
[ mood | sick ]

My blood pressure is sky high. They gave me something at the hospital for it, but I need to see a regular doctor. Due to a Medicaid mix up, that's not possible until at least February. And my blood pressure is what's causing my constant headache.

On a happy note... my Nintendog can do a backflip! Hey, ya gotta find joy in the little things!

Mouth off!!

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